SLM (strange little man)

been a while.. too long in fact

ok so let me start by telling you about this very odd person who crossed my path a few weeks ago. i was waiting for the bus on a sunday minding my own business when this little rotund asian man walks up to me and in fairly fluent english starts asking me stupid questions like where i'm from whats my name etc etc. this is not totally unormal, fairly often in fact koreans will approach me and ask these types of questions to practice their english. it's kind of fun and i always oblige. they're just so nice its hard not to. anyway, right off the bat this guy gives me a real weird vibe like maybe he's a little retarded. he shakes my hand about 30 times in the first 4 seconds of the conversation like he hasn't talked to another human being in 20 years. i say the term "shakes my hand" quite loosely because his handshake is more like an extention of his unusually small pudgy hand which requires the other person do all the gripping and shaking. it's really kind of gross, immediatly i resolve to shake this persons hand as least often as possible.
thank God finally my bus arrives after about a minute of the most akward conversation in the universe. to my dismay this portly little fellow follows me onto my bus and sits by me like we're all of a sudden friends going to spend the day together. he's dressed nice in a suit-sweater-vest ensemble but something about him is off.. he says he's a computer-engineer and grew up in chicago but talks very quickly and i understand only about 20 percent of what he's saying. his forehead is beading with sweat - i am grossed out and wishing the bus seats were wider and spaced farther apart. FINALLY my stop comes up and he gets off right behind me. i say, "hey bud nice meetin ya, gotta jet this way" i point up and sort of behind me indicating a direction neither left nor right but away from him "take care now" he sticks his hand out and says something to the effect of lets get coffee or something and i pat him on the shoulder and turn on my heels to flee to the nearest handwashing station.

i was hoping this would be the end of stephen or johnny or whatever he called himself

so TODAY... i wake up early and thinking about how much i love mornings, sausage egg mcmuffins, and how rarely i get to see them so i decide to put on some of whatevers laying on the floor and head to MickyD's. I see my bus driving away as I approach the bus stop so I think, OK no problem, time to get a coffee then. Starbucks happens to be right there and i'm happy about how perfectly located this starbucks is, i can wait inside with my coffee out of the cold morning air and hop outside just as my bus is pulling up. with this thought in mind I go for the enterance and stride head on into the glass door. ITS CLOSED!! i check my watch - 8:15.. "is it shut down?" i wonder, "remodel? surely its not too early...." it doesn't OPEN UNTIL 10 AM!! and there's LOADS of foot traffic here too... this surely is the most bizarre thing i've come across so far in the time i've been in korea... starbucks not open til 10??

anyway, i wait for the bus with no coffee in the cold. by the time i'm eating my egg mcmuffin i've totally forgot about it all anyway. and mcdonalds coffee really isnt too bad, it's at least nice and strong. so i make it back to my neighborhood and think, "ok now i'll get my coffee" i just started a new book, theres a great view from the window where i can sit and read and enjoy myself. as i walk up the stairs i see a figure that looks familar in an unsettling way.. i ignore the apparition and carry on with ordering my beverage. while i wait i casually look over to scope out where might make for the best sittin and readin when this stupid pudgy face starts smiling and waiving... "oh no..." i think.. my heart sinks, it's that stephen or johnny guy from several weeks ago... "shit." the only reason i came in here and paid 5 bucks for this coffee was so i could sit and read undirsturbed. he approaches me and goes for the handshake, "hey bud" i say and tap him on his fat little shoulder. he blah blah's for a while in the mean time i'm thinking about how this guy should be in an episode of seinfeld, not here, not now! please! he wants to get beers or coffee sometime but has no paper to write his number on, "here here" he says, "i'll buy you present" he buys me a chocolate chip cookie and uses the receipt to write his number on. i KNOW the the cookie is clean but still probably wont eat it. he gives it to me, i shrug, "heh.. thanks.. gotta go..." i say. no where else to go i wander home, here... wondering where lies my new quiet coffee and book sanctuary